The advice that has stood out and affected my life the most has been the advice I’ve sought out.
And that doesn’t always mean I went to someone and asked. It has often been a situation where I’ve eavesdropped on a conversation or I’ve listened to a speaker at an event or I’ve watched a video online or listened to a podcast.
I don’t think people like unsolicited advice. When someone says, “Let me give you some advice…” I instantly tune out. I get defensive.
I think people mistake their advice giving as a form of listening when the other person probably feels turned off and the opposite of listened to.
Anyway, that’s just a quick primer on where the best advice in my life has come from. Here are five excellent little tidbits that have helped shaped me and my life.
1. You Are What You Do Everyday
Probably the one that has impacted me the most over the years. I definitely can’t say that I follow it 100%, but I think about it all the time and try to make changes when I see myself getting away from it.
Like a few of these on the list (and others in my head) this bit of advice came from somewhere or someone that I can’t really recall. It’s just in my head from somewhere. Nobody came up and said it to me…I don’t think.
Anyway, I know I’ve heard multiple variations of it over the years. I hear it as a recurring theme when I’m listening to podcast interviews with songwriters. Nearly all successful songwriters talk about writing everyday.
And that’s the “secret”. If you want to be something you have to do that something everyday. Even if you’re not getting paid for it.
2. It’s Always Your Fault
Sorry Robin Williams and Matt Damon, but thinking that it’s not your fault can be a dangerous mindset.
Obviously if someone hurts a child like in that movie the child should not be to blame.
But the point with this bit of advice is that you have to look at failures and frustrations from your own point of view. You have to view them through the lens of what you control.
If you look at what others contributed you give up control. You wish and wait for them to correct or for them to change. That will only lead to more frustration.
In my experience, successful people often focus as much on themselves as possible. Especially for failures.
3. What The F*ck Are You Complaining About?
I normally don’t like to cuss, but it helps to have emphasis for this one.
It’s easy to compare yourself to others. It’s one of the paradoxes of life. I think it’s good to find mentors and examples in life. Looking to others to help figure out what you want to become.
But the same approach can leave you comparing yourself to others and that leads to disappointment. If you start thinking about what others have that you don’t have you’ll struggle to appreciate what you do have.
Say you see someone else your age with a nice car. You might wonder why you don’t have a nice car. But what you don’t see is that this person might love cars. Cars might be their thing. While you have your own thing. Maybe vacations. Maybe they’re looking at you thinking about all the awesome trips you’ve been on.
We all have our own things. It’s important to understand what’s important to you and to realize that you’re probably incredibly fortunate to have what you do have.
4. You Don’t Have To Win Every Time
I heard this one in passing from a successful family member. Another family member had flippantly pointed out a failure that the first person had recently made. That first person came back and said the words of this bit of advice.
That one really hit home.
And I’ve seen it to be true. You can fail at something an infinite number of times, but if you eventually succeed at it that’s really all that matters.
You could start a hundred companies that are failures, but the one that works out could change your life forever.
Too often we live our lives in fear of failure when we really only need one or two wins to change everything.
In my family example it was the person that wasn’t afraid to fail a few times that was the most successful.
5. Help Yourself To Help Others
The generation coming up right now is very altruistic. Sometimes I’ll listen to business podcasts that is in Q&A form and young people will call in to get advice. They’ll just have the general idea that they want to help others. Or that they want to teach or help others be good at business.
The first step to helping others succeed is to succeed yourself.
It seems odd and selfish, but you have to help yourself in order to help others.
Conclusion
These are little bits that have really stood out to me over the years. There have been others, but these are ones I still try to live by each day. I definitely don’t succeed everyday with these, but I try to come back to them when I get a little lost.
