This could be coworkers, bosses, employees, partners, contractors or whatever.
Anyone you’re working with that is driving you crazy. That is making your work life difficult.
It could be bullying. It could be extreme demands. It could be lack of understanding. Maybe even just outright meanness.
There are a number of instances when this happens. It’s almost inevitable in the working world.
How do you deal with them?
Here are a few tips.
1. It’s Never Their Fault
This is taking the point of view that you can’t control everything in life. That’s very difficult for some of us. I’m definitely including myself in this category.
I like to think that life is in my control. But obviously that’s not the case.
I look back 10 years ago. I couldn’t really have imagined what my life would be like today. And it scares me to think that what I think life will be in another 10 years really won’t be that way.
Anyway, there are some things we control when it comes to difficult coworkers.
We can’t control their behavior, but we can control ours. And a good way to approach this is to stop blaming them for their behavior. We have to look at what we control in the situation.
Is there something we are doing that is making them behave a certain way? Are we arguing with them when they come at us with anger? Are we doing something without even realizing it? The person could be being passive aggressive and not telling you what’s wrong. So it’s up to you to figure it out.
But start with the frame of mind that it’s your fault and from there you can usually move toward a solution.
2. Responsive Listening
This one is probably the most difficult to practice.
It means listening to the person. Listening to their issues and complaints. And then responding to them in a way that makes them feel like you understand the importance of their complaints.
This is very challenging. Most times you probably won’t give much credence to their point of view. They might be complaining about their lack of involvement in a project, for example.
In your head you’re probably thinking:
Are you kidding me? You’ve only been with the company for a year. Your skillset doesn’t fit the project. You don’t like the other people on the project. You wouldn’t even like being on the team. What you’re working on is much more important anyway.
Those are examples of the things we normally say, but they are also the last things the other person will want to hear.
Responsive listening is putting yourself in their shoes. And then giving value to what is giving them issue. Once you do this, though, you can usually begin to work toward a conclusion that is good for everyone involved.
3. Don’t Escalate
Another way to put this would be trying to put them in their place.
Pride can be a very bad thing in the business world. Heck, it can be a very bad thing in our personal lives.
Look at any Facebook feed today. People get into arguments all the time. They let their pride take over and they’re set on putting the other person or people in their place.
But you know what?
That almost never accomplishes anything. You’re not going to change the other person’s mind by being defensive or argumentative.
So when someone comes at you with difficulty one thing you control is whether you escalate the matter or not. The best course is to not escalate it. That will only lead to more frustration and a bigger problem to solve.
4. Figure Out Their Motivations
Here is another one that involves looking at it from the other person’s point of view. Not an easy or natural thing to do.
If the other person is frustrated with something it could be because they’re not getting the result they want. They have motivations, but those motivations are being hampered somehow. They might not even realize it.
Figuring out their emotions usually comes from observation or discussion.
You can look at their live. Learn about them. Try to figure out what’s important to them. Then looking for what’s causing them not to achieve their motivations.
Maybe it’s family. And they’re not getting enough time with family. Or maybe it’s work ambition. They want to make more money or have more power, but it hasn’t been happening.
The other way is with discussion. Talking with them. Asking questions. Trying to figure out together what the person is after in life.
Then looking for ways to get them on track for achieving what they want to achieve.
5. Fire Them Or Leave
Finally, if nothing really seems to be working you have cut the loss. If you’re in charge it means making the decision to fire them.
You’ll both be better off in the long run.
If you’re not the boss then it’s up to you to make the change. Leave. Quit.
There are other opportunities out there. Even if you have to take less pay in the short-term you’re likely much better off getting out of an unhappy situation.
Conclusion
It’s obviously a very frustrating and challenging and stressful situation to work with a difficult person. But the items above are ways that you can work through it and find a solution. Some of the most successful businesses of all time involved people working together that didn’t like each other or get along. But they figured each other out enough to figure out a way to help each other.
Try the tips above and you’ll likely be able to find a solution to your situation. And if not, it might just be time to move on.
