I love reading.
One of my favorite categories is the Biography category.
Autobiographies, biographies, memoirs or whatever else they’re called. Usually they’re reflective. The best autobiographies are the ones where people just tell stories. They don’t necessarily try to give words of wisdom. They just tell their story and let the reader pull out nuggets.
That’s an interesting thing. In golf, often the best players aren’t the best instructors. That’s because a golfer often feels that they’re doing one thing while actually doing another.
So listening to a golfer tell you what they feel could actually be the opposite of what you need to do to improve.
And I think that’s true for life in general. We can try to pull words of wisdom and lessons from our own lives. That may work, but often it’s better to try to observe and learn from others.
So here are some observations I’ve had while reading about and watching others when it comes to their regrets at the end of their lives.
1. Chasing Nickels
One of the sages in the golf world is Jackie Burke Jr. He won the Masters and the PGA in 1956. Great player and also one of the few that became a great instructor. Also a great businessman.
There was a video somewhere online of him having a conversation with a guy on the range. The guy reached into his pocket at one point and pulled out all kinds of receipts. He was tracking all his expenses.
Seems like a good idea, right?
Jackie looked at him and just quickly said, “If you chase nickels you’re going to get nickels.”
That struck me. I think Jackie was just giving him a little grief, but it made sense.
Details are good, but this guy was so focused on the details, the little money that he was probably missing the big picture.
It reminds me of what Garth Brooks is doing currently.
Now, I love Garth. I think he’s amazing with music and with business. He came back to recording and touring a couple years ago. In that time the business of music seems to have passed him by.
Listening to music is a commodity. People never really paid for a song. They paid for a way to listen to a song. Vinyl, cassettes, CDs.
But with digital and streaming it became cheap and nearly free for consumers. Great thing. When consumers win just about everybody wins.
But Garth can’t come around to it. New artists today get it. They’ve grown up in the world of free music distribution. So they’ll put their songs any and everywhere and they’ll monetize their careers in other ways.
Garth is chasing nickels. He’s doing great with that. Packaged CDs and things like that.
He doesn’t chase nickels with touring. His aim with touring is to play for as many people as possible. That’s big picture thinking.
With his recorded music he’s chasing nickels. And he hasn’t really had a hit song since he came back. People don’t like when you put that many limits on things.
Anyway, the regret here to watch for is to avoid chasing nickels. When it’s all said and done life is about the long-term. The big picture. You don’t need nickels when you’re dead, but if you’ve connected with tons of people you’ve done something.
2. Fearing Failure
By this I mean not connecting with new people, not staying active, not learning new things, not trying new things and adventures of that nature.
I’ve had a little bit of a flurry of deaths in my family the last few years. Grandparents and things like that. Folks I admired for a long time.
And it’s not that they had regrets. They were happy. They had close family. Very important things. Things that make one successful when it’s all said and done.
But one thing I noticed a bit is the concept of fearing failure. And taking on this state of mind is what scares me, which I know is ironic a bit.
I don’t want to ever lose that childhood fear of failure. Having that fear makes you stop doing things. All the things I mentioned above and much more.
We come up with excuses for not doing things. We complain that we haven’t seen this or done that. We just like complaining, but really we’re making an excuse for fearing failure.
10-20 years ago there were people in their 50s and 60s that said they never needed computers. Are you kidding me? That’s missing out on so much.
I don’t know what it’ll be when I’m older, but I’m hoping that I don’t fear trying whatever it is because I don’t want to miss out on that because of some made up fear.
3. Taking Things Too Seriously, Complaining
Another thing I notice is that when people reach a certain age they realize that what seemed like a big deal decades ago was really not that big of a deal in the big picture of life.
And even if you’re reading this now think back 10-20 years ago. What were the big problems at the time and how significant do they seem today?
Let’s see… 20 years ago I was just getting into junior high school. I had acne on my face. Horrible at the time. Looking back…not really that big of a deal. I eventually learned about proper diet and things worked themselves out.
I try to think about this today when I’m dealing with an issue. An issue on the personal side of life or something going on with my business. I try to put myself 10-20 years into the future to put the thing in perspective. Will it be a big deal.
99.9% of the time it won’t be.
Obviously we need to get through the day and keep pushing forward, but we can usually get through just about anything and anxiety and worry just aren’t necessary.
4. Holding Onto Feelings
By this I mean holding feelings inside.
This is kind of a contradiction with complaining. Nobody likes complaining. But it does seem to be a necessary part of life.
When we know what problems are out there in the world we can look for solutions. People often don’t express their feelings of unhappiness.
Especially in the business world. If you have a business chances are that 99.9% of your unhappy customers won’t tell you. They’ll just stop buying what you’re selling.
Obviously that’s bad.
And in your personal life it can be worse. You might have feelings toward family and friends. We build these narratives in our head, but there is no way for the other people to know what we’re thinking.
So things never change and eventually relationships are lost.
Share your feelings. Let other people know how you feel. It might end a relationship, but you’ll save so many and improve so many that it will be well worth it.
5. Self Awareness
Finally, self awareness is a big one. This comes up from people in different ways. One way is when people say that they tried to please others. They did things they thought they were supposed to do. They never really figured out what they wanted to do in life. They never figured out what they liked doing. They just kind of went along following the rules and following others.
If you’re reading this you still have plenty of time.
Even if you’re in your 60s and close to retirement or already there you’re actually at a perfect time. Figure out what you like doing and invest the next 20 years doing it. You won’t regret it.
Conclusion
There are probably more regrets that people have in life, but these are some things that stick out to me. Lessons I’ve pulled from the stories and experiences others have shared. Now it’ll be up to me to share my stories so others can pull lessons from those. I’m sure I’m doing some things wrong, but hopefully am doing some things right as well.
